Beyond the Eyes
by Morganeth Taren'drel
Summary: After the war heero has become even more withdrawn and reckless. Finally he is seriously injured and it is decided: Something has to be done. But it's been 8 months since Heero and Relena last saw each other and is she even what he needs?
1. Default Chapter

Relena moved silently down the white washed halls, her crystal eyes not really see that which was before her

I do not own Gundam Wing.

Hello all! Just a little note here: These are two versions of the same story. The first is as seen through Relena's eyes. The second is Heero's. Anyways I hope you like them…I suffered through two anxiety attacks just writing them ^_^. Please review and tell me what you think!

Beyond the Eyes: Relena

** **

** **

Relena moved silently down the white washed halls, her crystal eyes not really seeing that which was before her. She followed her guide without question, wild emotions flooding through her small form, though try as she might she could not sort through them. There were simply to many to name. The air around her smelled poignantly of antiseptic and other medicines, along with the sent of death and birth, of pain and joy. She wrinkled her noise in distaste, She passed nurses and soldiers alike, who neither spoke nor glanced her way as they hurried about their separate tasks.

Sally finally came to a stop outside a door that was much the same as every other door they passed. She smiled reassuringly, laying briefly a hand upon Relena's already trembling shoulder and walked away. For a moment Relena did not move. Frozen with fear, she tried to work out in her mind what it was she was here to do. Two days before she had received word that Heero had been badly injured in his last mission; he had been brought, near death, to this hospital. Even now thinking back to that day, and even knowing that he was alive and well, Relena could fell tears forming in her eyes, but she brushed them away angrily. She had no time for them now.

Earlier that morning Duo and the other pilots had come to her informing her that Heero was awake and that they needed her help. Though their work was not quite over, the gundam pilots were all looking towards the future and what it may hold for them, all that was, except for Heero. He spoke nothing of his past to them and did not seem to think at all about his future, seeming to believe that he had none; at least that was what Duo thought, given his style of fighting. Everyone present at that meeting knew how she felt for him, and all there had given their assurances that he felt the same, though even now Relena held her doubts. Duo had feared that they were losing him as time went on, that left to his own private nightmares he was becoming even more withdrawn and reckless.

Relena had not seen him since that conference almost a year ago when he had disappeared. The other pilots knew where he was but she had forced herself not to ask, hoping beyond hope that he would come back to her. It would seem that those hopes were misplaced. At that thought an anger that knew no boundaries rose within her. She fought to gain control of it. She knew that if she was to be of any help she had to enter the room with a clear mind. The four gundam pilots and Sally had done everything they could to keep Heero at the hospital, knowing that Relena was the only one who could possibly break through the barriers that were leading him to his death. She prayed that it was possible, for though Heero was silent and dangerous the other pilots had come to look upon him as a brother, and did not want to lose him.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts Relena walked forward towards the door that beyond held the confrontation she both wished and feared. Staying her nerves and emotions Relena looked through the tinted glass of the door, and her heart raced, any calm she may have had before was gone. Heero paced the room beyond; stripped to the waist he wore a pair of blue jeans, his hands crammed into the pockets. Bandages covered his chest and right arm, though he looked more a caged animal than someone who only days before had nearly lost their life. Relena's breath caught in her throat, as she watched him walk by, his strong body tense, he had not changed in the least.

Taking a deep breath to return some form of calm to her mind Relena opened the door, a door, she noticed, that could only be opened from her side. Yes, they had done everything in their power to keep him there. All in the hopes that she might be able to restore some heart to this fallen angel. Heero's head came up as she entered, and for a instant his eyes held a gentleness that was beyond words, a promise of protection that could never be broken, and a love more ardent than any she had ever known. It however was gone in a second buried once more behind his walls a thousand times thicker than they had been moments before. He moved without looking to the far side of the white room, a room Relena noticed that held no windows and the ventilation shaft was too small for a child to fit through. Cameras monitored the room and though she had been told that they would be shut off somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that Duo would find some way around Sally. She pushed the thought away. 

Leaning against the door she felt the rift that was between them most keenly. She folded her hands together, and watched as Heero folded his arms across his chest, eyes watching but not meeting hers. Relena could hardly believe that it was him, standing before her. The time they had been apart felt far longer than it had actually been. At first glance he looked the same but Relena looked closer and saw what she had first missed, for years Heero had hidden his emotions claiming that he had none, but now she could almost make out their existence. It was as if he had no room left in him to hide what he felt, there was a haunted look about his Prussian eyes that tore at her heart, and she wanted nothing more than to hold him. For a second she was about to move, but again she could feel the rift, an opened wound begging to be healed, though she knew not were to start.

Finally he did glance at her though the haunted look was gone and he was the perfect soldier once more. He studied her without expression, and Relena wonder what it was that she should say first. "How are you feeling?" she asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. Heero did not answer his eyes distant and the haunted look returned, shaking his head it passed once more. "It's been so long." She spoke more to herself than him but his head came up eyes watching intently.

"Why did you come?" his voice held no emotion. Nothing. It was devoid of everything, and Relena's heart sank fearing that she was to late to do him any good. She remembered instantly the feelings that had passed through his eyes upon seeing her, his humanity was still present just buried deeper than she had ever imagined.

"It's been eight months, Duo told me you were injured and I…I just wanted to make sure you were all right." She forced herself to watch his eyes trying to see if her word had any effect on him at all, she saw nothing. 

"Duo…" He said the name without emotion and he seemed to battle something within himself, some hidden demon that tormented him in both sleep and wakefulness. 

Relena did not miss the opportunity; "They're worried about you."

His head snapped up Prussian eyes dead; "Worried for me?" A half smirk touched his lips. It chilled her, for it never reached his eyes. "They should worry for their own lives. Mine means nothing to the world." It was not a statement made to draw him pity but merely a statement of fact, which they should all come to accept and be done with it.

Relena could not help the tear that rolled from her eye at his words. Had he given up on himself years ago? Was there nothing left in him but the need to complete his mission no matter the cost to himself, or those who loved him? Perhaps he thought himself unworthy of the love that was offered, or perhaps he was afraid of what accepting that love would mean. In either case it did not matter. "Heero you're wrong, every life has meaning if not for that person, than for the one who loves him." She was surprised at the adamant tone her voice held as she locked eyes with him, crystal and Prussian blues never parting gazes. She cared not for what her statement implied for it was how she truly felt and she had to make him see that.

He seemed to whisper something under his breath, words she could not make out, and once more his eyes became haunted, but they flashed to steal almost instantly. "I am the Perfect Soldier." 

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Relena could feel her anger rising, "That your humanity is gone?"

"Dead and buried."

"You lie. I have seen it, in your eyes when you look at me. Though you try and bury it, I have seen it." She pushed away from the wall taking a step towards him without thinking.

"What difference does it make?" Though his voice never changed his eyes held anger she could not begin to measure. Anger at himself and those around him, at how his life had turned out. She could not begin to comprehend his feelings.

"What difference?" She was incredulous, "All the difference in the world! Your life means something to the other gundam pilots and myself. They look upon you as a brother, haven't you noticed?" 

"I need no help."

"Your first mistake." Relena was crying openly now, the rift was not becoming any smaller, only larger. "Not even you can make it through life alone, no matter how hard you try. They taught you to be a perfect soldier, and I'd kill them myself if I could. There is not a person alive who deserves what has been done to you." Words spilled out of her mouth without thought, she was desperate now, her hope almost gone. 

Heero studied her silently; emotions passing through his eyes that she could not name, ones he seemed not to even know were there. And for the briefest second the barriers were down and he lay bare before her, like a small child. The moment was gone instantly and he was the Perfect Soldier once more. "You chose the wrong person to care for." 

"What right do you have to make that decision for me?!" She shook her head in frustration, tears flying from her tightly closed eyes. Finally she looked into his eyes her heart racing once more as she was over powered with her feeling for the young man that stood before her with eyes like death. "I love you!" The words were spoken without any regrets, her anger forgotten; only hurt was left as there was no reaction in his Prussian eyes.

He said nothing for a moment his eyes watching her and again the haunted look returned only this time it did not leave. He seemed to be watching something that was not there. He stopped eyes glinting, and he locked them on hers. "You remind me of her…" his voice was quiet but still dead, and Relena wonder who it was that he was speaking of.

"Who Heero?"

"After what I did I don't deserve your love." He looked away head down.

Relena's anger rose anew and she could not hold it back, "Damnit Heero you are no monster! You're a human being, why won't you see that?!"

"Am I not a monster? When I look at you I remember…" he trailed off once more as if speaking brought back memories he'd rather forget.

"Who do I remind you of Heero?! What is it that haunts you?! What is it that drives you to your death?!" Relena was becoming more desperate by the moment.

"How many more time must I kill her?!!! TELL ME!!!…How many?…" It was the first time he had raised his voice. A thousand questions ran through her mind then, who was it that Heero regretted killing? A family member perhaps, someone else he once loved. That thought stung her, she quickly pushed her questions aside when she saw the look in Heero's eyes, and it was hurt greater than she had ever felt in her entire life. It seemed to reach beyond the depths of eternity.

Relena knew not what to say to him, he looked away trying to regain his composure. She stepped forward then, placing one slim hand upon his arm, and he flinched away from her touch but still did not look up. "Heero I don't understand." She spoke softly, soothingly, as if talking to a wild animal. "But I do know that there is nothing that you could have done that would make me stop loving you." Her words brought forth no reaction.

He looked at her, in his eyes there was such a need, and longing that her breath was stolen from her. His Prussian eyes were so lonely that she could not help but sob. "Put the past behind you Heero, learn to trust us."

Heero shook his head running a hand through his unruly hair, "It's not so simple." Tenderly he brushed the tears from her eyes; "I will not risk losing someone again."

Relena did not hesitate, "Then that person is already lost to you. Please Heero don't force me away, I don't want to lose you." Heero's eyes held that love once more and he moved towards her one hand moving about her back and the other cupping her chin bring her lips to his. She was shocked but did not resist his actions only threw all her love in behind the kiss she returned. 

He gently pulled back his face once more unreadable but Relena saw the difference, his eyes were no longer dead. Finally had he been given something to fight for. She could tell from his eyes that he knew his life meant something to her. Relief flooded through her. For the longest time she had thought him lost, that nothing she said or did would ever be able to bring back even a semblance of the man he had been before his training. But she had done it. She had worked through all of his walls and barriers and found her protector. The man she loved when they had first met. Though even then he had been the Perfect Soldier, he had become harder as time passed.

Heero pulled her close and Relena submitted herself to the feel of his strong arms about her small body, "I love you." He whispered the words into her ear, and for a moment she could hardly believe them to be real. He quickly brought his own lips over hers, tears fell from Relena's eyes as she kissed Heero, and she had made him human once more.

The End.


	2. Heero

Beyond the Eyes

I do not own Gundam Wing.

Beyond the Eyes: Heero

Heero woke slowly, his senses adjusting to his surroundings. His mind felt stuffed with cotton and thinking was an effort but he fought the feelings off. The last thing he remembered was losing conciseness during a battle. He had been surrounded, his gundam hard hit. He knew at the time that he had suffered some internal injuries but he could not stop, he and the other pilots had to gain the advantage. A deep gash that ran down his arm cost him the use of it, and Wing Zero's movements began to slow. No matter what odds though he had refused to stop. Duo eventually tried to forcefully remove him from the battle but he would not quit. Even if he were to die in this battle what difference would it make? He was a soldier, a fighting machine with no purpose except that.

Opening his eyes Heero looked about, he was lying in a stark room bare of all furnishings save the bed he lay in and the IV that ran to his left arm. He noticed almost immediately that the room's walls held no windows and the ventilation shaft was too small for him to fit through. He wondered briefly if they had lost, and he was within the hands of the enemy, he shrugged. It didn't matter either way to him. Propping himself up on his left elbow, Heero ignored the pain that lanced through him and removed the IV from his arm. As he let it drop to the floor he could feel the eyes upon him, and glanced up seeing the camera that watched his every move.

He rose from the bed and found himself stripped to the waist. Though still wearing his blue jeans bandages covered his chest and right arm but he paid them no mind as he carefully studied the room around him. Looking at the door he thought it seemed strangely designed though familiar. Walking up to it he realised why. The solid metal of the door was smooth and seamless; he knew instantly that it was a design used at the Perventers base. It could only be opened from the other side. He cursed silently and wondered why it was that they thought it necessary for him to be locked within the room. No answers were forth coming, though a sixth sense told him something was up.

The past months the other gundam pilots had begun to look towards their respective futures. They talked often of their lives outside the battlefield, and it was a conversation that Heero never took part in. His life was the battlefield. Having destroyed the majority of the rebellion's soldiers, the war was almost at an end, but still there were battles to be fought and won, and for Heero that was the only thing he lived for. Long gone was his humanity, destroyed out of necessity. His past was forgotten and he cared not for his future, he was simply, now and forever, the Perfect Soldier.

He knew that Duo talked about him behind his back with the other pilots, though he knew not what it was about. He did not care, very little in the world roused his feelings anymore, he had distanced himself from everyone without thought. He was so used to the walls and barriers that he hardly noticed them anymore and the other pilots seemed to accept his distance, at least on the outside, though Duo was reluctant. Heero did not fear death, he never had, it was a fact of life, one that he now looked forward to. That was not to say that he was suicidal, only that he was willing to take greater risks with his life with less thought.

He was brought out of his deep contemplation as someone entered the room. His Prussian blue eyes focused upon Sally, as she silently walked in her eyes watching him carefully. Heero moved to the other side of the room leaning against the wall, eyes following her every move warily. Why had he been brought to this room? The question came to the forefront of his mind, and he was sure that Sally knew the reason, though he did not ask. He said nothing. She moved towards him but, seeing the dangerous glint in his eyes, decided against coming any closer. 

"Leave it to you to be up the next day." She said trying a cheerful smile; Heero turned his eyes away arms folding across his chest. "How are you feeling?" He made no response. From the corner of his eye Heero could see the look of puzzlement that passed across her face. Months before he would have responded with some noncommittal sound at least, but even that trait had been lost as Heero drew deeper into himself. Her eyes studied him a few moments longer then she silently left the room, an assistant holding the door open for her.

Heero pushed himself away from the wall his thoughts turning inward once again. He could feel it. Something was going to happen. What did they have planed? He wondered silently, what is it they are trying to accomplish? It was already a given that Duo was behind all of this. Heero could have cared less though; nothing they tried would change him. He had carefully destroyed every bit of humanity left within him, though it did little to help. Still his hours of sleep where plagued by the nightmares that haunted him during the day without mercy. Try as he might to forget, those memories returned time and again, and no barrier he built would protect him. 

He did not know for how long he paced the length of his small prison, his mind lost in unpleasant thoughts and memories. He simply could not forget the day, forever etched in his mind. As he paced the room he fought an unseen battle, trying with only minimal successes to force the memories away. Turning back towards the door, Heero noticed it open once more. He stopped and waited. Though they were carefully built Heero's walls and barriers were not prepared for who walked through the door; his Prussian eyes fell upon Relena, her small form trembling slightly as she let the door close behind her. She was as beautiful as Heero remembered, though the memories were small and short-lived.

Heero locked eyes with the small woman before him and momentarily his walls and barriers collapsed completely, as emotion raged though him. Despite all the carnage that he had committed, in that instant Heero wanted nothing more than to gently hug her. To hold and protect her as if she were glass. Once more his feelings of being the only one who could possibly protect her came forward, and he felt a love for her too strong to put into words. All this from simply looking into those crystal blue eyes. Then the moment was gone as Heero fought to place himself behind his walls. He broke eye contact, not wanting for the moment to happen again. He was no longer human. Moving to the other side of the room Heero once again leaned against the wall, folding his arms protectively across his chest.

For a time nothing was said. Relena leaned against the door watching him as if she couldn't believe he was actually standing before her. Heero took the moment to look at her without making eye contact. The instant he took in her honey blonde hair and delicate figure, the memories in his mind exploded forward and all he could see was the small girl with her puppy. All smiles, her life entirely carefree, that was until he ripped it from her. The pain of her death seared him sharply but he forced it aside, and made himself look Relena in the eyes, seeing her and not the little girl. He kept his face expressionless as he studied her, the silence deepening.

"How are you feeling?" He noticed absently that her words mirrored Sally's, and again he made no response. His mind was clouded with the images of the little girl. This time the life had been torn from her delicate body; her dog lay near by also lifeless. Heero shook his head finding it hard to keep the memory from his thoughts. It was this that had been haunting him over the years. "It's been so long" she seemed to speak to herself, he watched her Prussian eyes intent.

"Why did you come?" his voice was like death even in his ears, and he could see a look of despair in her crystal eyes.

"It's been eight months, Duo told me you were injured and I…I just wanted to make sure you were all right." Her eyes never left his.

"Duo…" he said the name softly. He had know that the pilot had been behind all of this, but behind what? He could not help asking himself. Why send Relena? As she had already said they had not seen each other for eight months. Was it because they hoped she would be able to bring the Heero Yuy of the past back? If that was what they believed they were mistaken. That person was dead and though he wanted to fall into her endless eyes he fought against it, unwilling to give in.

Relena seemed to see his internal battle on his face though he tried to keep his features blank. "They're worried about you."

His head came up quickly eyes locking on her; "Worried for me?" A half smirk crept onto his face though he did not let it touch his eyes. "They should worry for their own lives. Mine means nothing to the world." He made it a simple statement of fact wanting no sympathy from her. 

He watched without emotion as a single tear fell from one of her crystal eyes, "Heero your wrong, every life has meaning if not for that person, than for the one who loves him." Her voice was adamant and she locked eyes with him. He clearly understood how she felt towards him though he would not let his feeling, which he thought dead and buried, come to the surface.

"Hands as bloodied as mine could never handle so beautiful a dove." He whispered the words knowing not were they came from, but they only helped to strengthen his resolve, as he continued to watch her. He tried to give no outward reaction as the girl and her dog flooded his mind laughing mockingly at him from their deathbeds. His anger grew and he shoved them once more to the back of his mind, his eyes becoming even harder. "I am the Perfect Soldier."

A similar look of anger passed across Relena's face neither of them moved, "What is that supposed to mean?! That your humanity is gone?"

The answer he gave was lacking all emotion and even surprised him slightly, "Dead and buried."

She moved towards him her anger seeming to take control, "You lie. I have seen it, in your eyes when you look at me. Though you try and bury it, I have seen it."

Anger welled up within him, he wished only for her to go away, her staying was not making this any better. His voice never rose, "What difference dose it make?"

"What difference?" she seemed very close to tears now, "All the difference in the world! Your life means something to the other gundam pilots and myself. They look upon you as a brother, haven't you noticed?" 

His anger flared anew; did they think him incapable of looking after himself? He would not have made it this far had he not been able. "I need no help." 

Tears streamed openly from her eyes now but her voice did not lose its edge, "Your first mistake. Not even you can make it through life alone, no matter how hard you try. They taught you to be a perfect soldier, and I'd kill them myself if I could. There is not a person alive who deserves what has been done to you." 

Something of her words filtered through the barriers, touching him, causing emotions to surface that he had thought long dead. They coursed through him ,gaining strength. They abolished the barriers he had formed and once more his love for Relena flooded through him, but he fought it off throwing it into the deep recesses of his mind. He allowed himself to become the perfect soldier. "You chose the wrong person to care for."

Heero watched impassively as Relena shook her head in frustration, her tears flying from her eyes. "What right do you have to make that decision for me?!" She looked into his eyes, hers now determined. There was no longer fear or anger in their crystalline surfaces, "I love you." He made no response to her statement and watched as hurt spread across her face.

And again the memories of the little girl raced to the forefront of his mind stealing away his vision. He tried to fight her, but nothing worked. She would not leave him this time. His voice was harder than death as he spoke, for a moment seeing Relena. "You remind me of her…"

She seemed confused "Who Heero?"

The bloodied form of the girl filled his thoughts again, and he looked away hoping that he would be able to bring her once more under control if he was not looking at Relena. "After what I did I don't deserve your love." 

"Damit Heero you're no monster! You're a human being, why won't you see that?!"

"Am I not a monster? When I look at you I remember…" He stopped speaking for doing so seemed to give the girl more power over him, searing his mind with her mocking laughter.

Her voice becoming desperate Relena pleaded with him, ""Who do I remind you of Heero?! What is it that haunts you?! What is it that drives you to your death?!"

The images would not leave, and Heero's anger and frustration rose, causing him to burst out "How many more time must I kill her?!!! TELL ME!!!…How many?…" The words were strangely familiar to him, but he could not think of were he had first said them or to who. His mind and eyes too flooded with pain to see. Heero turned away from Relena trying again to force the memories down, and regain his composure.

Relena stepped up beside him and laid one had upon his arm, he flinched away from her soft touch, it reminded him too much of humanity, something he had worked very hard to destroy. Her voice was as soft as her touch, "Heero I don't understand. But I do know that there is nothing that you could have done that would make me stop loving you." Still he gave her no reaction refusing to meet her gaze, which he could feel upon him.

Finally he did look at her and the little girl did not play in front of his vision. Instead the barriers threatened to crumble, and he knew that his eyes showed emotion he did not wish to reveal. "Put the past behind you Heero, learn to trust us." She whispered softly to him sobbing as she did.

He ran a hand through his unruly hair, feeling the walls weaken even more. He tried to build them up but they did not respond. "It is not so simple." With a gentleness that had not been their moments before Heero brushed away her tears his own voice becoming soft, "I will not risk losing someone again."

She looked straight into his eyes, "Then that person is already lost to you. Please Heero don't force me away, I don't want to lose you." The walls and barriers crumbled at her plea and Heero found himself once more filled with his love for her. Carefully he brought her to him, placing his lips upon her own, and he could feel her love flood through him. He gently pulled back, barriers of a different kind now in place. The kind that had been present so many years back when he and Relena had first met.

For the other pilots they would see the Heero Yuy they had once known. For Relena he would show her anything she pleased. She had never given up on him and he could see in her tear filled eyes that she never would. Leaning down his whispered, "I love you." And pulled her again into his warm embrace capturing her lips in a deep kiss. She had returned his humanity to him, something he believed could never be found again. The moment she had walked through the door Heero realised her eyes had said it all.

The End.


End file.
